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Sent by Parviz Hakimi
Neighbors & the Mezuza
Sent by Parviz Hakimi
A Jew lived next door to John , a Christian, whose house was broken into at least once a week. One day John asks his neighbor:
Tell me Moshe : what is this thing you have on your door frame, is this an alarm system?
No my friend, this is called a MEZUZA, It is part of Jewish law and it is actually a prayer for the well being of the occupants of the house,
Inside this little box there is a little paper with some prayers for the safety of the house.
And tell me Moshe, do you think you could put one of these ,MEZUZA on the entrance to my house . It seems to work for you as the thieves do not go into your house.
Listen John : the Mezuzah is for Jewish homes.
John says : Are we not all children of the God, We also have been friends for a long time…..
OK say Moshe, because of our old friendship I will put up the Mezuzah in your house.
A couple of ,months later John knocks on Moshe's door and says: Please forgive me but I am returning the Mezuzah to you.
What happened ask Moshe , your house is still being broken into.?
No, says John, the thieves stopped coming , but since you put up the Mezuzah, every 15 minutes the doorbell rings and people ask for donations:
KEREN KAYEMET, SYNAGOGUE , MAGBIT, JEWISH SCHOOL, POOR PEOPLE, etc etc
I made a calculation that the donations cost me much more than what the thieves took
BOSS, Secretary And The Computer!
Sent by Daryoush Setareh
A secretary complained about her boss
She said, "My boss is so sex-crazed". Every time he comes into the office, I must do the LAPTOP position and then the DESKTOP position, followed by the SPREADSHEET format.
I must LOAD UP his SOFT DISK into a HARD DISK, so that he can INSERT in my C DRIVE and then the A DRIVE, which is most uncomfortable. Then he'll ask me to EJECT his SOFTWARE outside my C DRIVE so that he is VIRUS FREE.
Then he changes his mind and decides to ENTER, ENTER, ENTER the whole day till he is in MICROSOFT stage.
Many a times he works without CAPLOCKS (without "CAP" or HELMET) and sometimes as an ALTERNATIVE he CRASHES my SYSTEM until he looses his CTRL and he LOGS IN....
This process continues until I ZIP
him and SHUTDOWN his main SYSTEM....
A guy is out with his buddies. He has a few drinks and gets in the mood
So, to be true to his wife, he goes home.
When he gets there he finds her sound asleep in bed with her mouth wide open.
He gets two aspirin and drops them into her mouth.
Of course, she chokes but recovers and asks, "What did you put in my mouth??"
He says, "Two aspirin".
She replies, "But I don’t have a headache!”
He says, "That's what I wanted to hear."
Lou Charloff, " Question for the Nurse"
He Said To Me!, I Said To him!.
He said to me . ... . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got
I said to him .... . . You wear pants don't you?
He said to me ... . .......... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said . That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit
on the sofa and do nothing but fart
He said to me.. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money
I said to him . ..... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said to me. ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him .. . They don't have time.
He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet
I said to him .. .. I don't know; it has never happened.
He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive,
caring and Good- looking?
I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.
He said....What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every
He said to me.... Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him .. . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
Pay Your Bills
Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts. Mick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try. One day Mick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor. Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Mick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause Mick readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Mick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.
The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Mick to their chambers. Horatio then slipped Mick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Mick worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Mick left satisfied and hailed as a hero. Upon returning to his chamber, Mick found Horatio demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Mick couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King and with a laugh told him to get lost.
The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Mick.
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